Saturday, December 11, 2004

Google searches that have led people to this blog:

Some are pretty predictable - but I'm guessing I'm not exactly what some of these folks were originally looking for...

This person's quite specific: Pictures of complete humiliation of men in dresses & lingerie by women

This is so not me: High Protocol in BDSM?

Some people need me to do a fashion intervention, it's true. Mistress Haircut Forced

Everyone has their fetish: Odd shaped dicks

I really hope they meant "chosen family": Family in BDSM

I'm down with this concept, although the porn-speak seems a little over the top: severus bondage oh god yes more yes yes yes

Eeeeeewww: DOG FUCK GRANNY

Oh, this is weird: wanna know jesus livejournal

Depends on what you mean by small: small money investment

Some seriously off-topic results: Candy making classes seattle

Friday, December 10, 2004

Last night, Roman talked dirty to me in the voice of Yoda. "Mmnn, daddy, who is your?" "Very sexy ass have you, mmnn!"
My abdominal muscles hurt from laughing so hard. And maybe from some other isometric stresses as well...

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Of Books and Boys...

The new column is up, so please go read that… Oh, and the new feature I'm doing, The Kink Calendar, is up, too.

Speaking of reading, I'm currently enjoying a novel called "The Inner Circle" by T. C. Boyle, based on the life and experiences of one of Kinsey's assistants.
Publishers Blurb: A love story, The Inner Circle is narrated by John Milk, a virginal young man who in 1940 accepts a job as an assistant to sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey. As a member of Kinsey's "inner circle" of researchers, Milk (as well as his beautiful new wife) is called on to participate in sexual experiments that become increasingly uninhibited - and problematic for his marriage.

I enjoyed the movie "Kinsey" – Liam Neeson did a great job with the role, I think. And this novel gives me even more of a sense of what knowing him must have been like, since a lot of it is based on the James H. Jones biography of Kinsey.

The book was given to me by Jake – and if you're a friend of Jake, that tattooed, shaved-head world traveler, here's a small update: I got an email from him saying he'd arrived safely in Bangkok on the 7th. He sounded like he was having fun – apparently the Thai people are impressed with his biceps and keep wanting to measure them. (They are pretty big.) He's supposed to be going on to Sri Lanka, but I wouldn't be surprised if he wound up staying in Bangkok for a little while. I think Thailand would be a fascinating place to visit, and I'm mildly jealous. I hope he takes lots of pictures.
Anyway, I did ask him to email me a couple times over the next two weeks if he could, so I'd know he hadn't been shot by some sniper still fighting Sri Lanka's civil war. Hopefully he'll be able to check in again, and if I do hear from him, I'll post about it.

And speaking of sexy-looking boys, I got a note from Nina and Rita, the girls over at http://sexadvice.blogspot.com/ . They're looking for some cute guys to be cover model, so check out the site, look over the categories and send in your pic! You could be (a little tiny bit) famous.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

After dinner and a bitch session with Miss K, we came up with…

Five Ways To Really Annoy Sex Workers*

Miss K says…When calling about an appointment, ask them "Are you clean?" Oh yeah, 'cause if she did have the clap or something, she would definitely tell you about that, since you asked. Right. And we're not even a little offended by the suggestion that we're so unclean, while your hound-doggin' ass is somehow presumed to be all sanctified, even though you've been dipping your wick who-knows-where.

She also says…When calling about an appointment, ask them, "Is this discreet?" Yeah, we know so many ladies have a big neon sign over their door saying, "This Way For Pussy! C'mon In!" And publishing your client's names in the newspaper is such a good way to create repeat business, isn't it? What smart business woman wouldn't do that?

We both agree you shouldn't…Haggle over price. Do we really need to talk about this? Tacky, tacky, tacky.

My pet peeve…Require major emotional handholding prior to the session. If you want to do three (or more) separate phone calls with me to process your feelings of anxiety and guilt before you've ever even seen me, you don't need a dominatrix, you need a shrink. Or a nursemaid. Grow some balls, and then call me back.

Also high on my bullshit list…Ask for something, then flip out about it afterwards. If you get all hot and bothered and ask me to (for example) piss on you, don't start freaking out on me after the session is over and trying to say I shouldn't have done that. You're responsible for what you say, even if it's the little head that's doing the talking.

While we're dispensing advice, Miss K would also like to mention that while going down on a woman, you should swallow your own saliva occasionally, so that your partner doesn't wind up lying in a puddle of drool. She doesn't find that erotic, and I can't say I blame her. I've not ever had that problem, but then – I'm usually on top.

*(Okay, now, if you're one of my good regular boys, don't go off into a tailspin just because I'm having a snarky moment. Don't take any of this personally, none of this means I don't like you. If I'm seeing you, assume that I think you're cool. If you weren't, I'd let you know about it, trust me.)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

No video clip today, sorry. Video clips will return next week, though...For now, some links and a bit of poly discussion.

I did an email interview with an e-zine called, "All Things Girl" a while back, and it's up on the site now. It won't tell you, my regular readers, anything you don't know already. But I was surprised by the fact that a pretty mainstream site would want to publish something like an interview with a dominatrix. We must be making some progress somewhere.

This guy always makes me laugh. Which is good, because otherwise I'd be screaming.

Unusual But True: I was once (legally) married to one of the guys on this page.

Interesting webpage about secondary partnerships in poly. I agree with a lot of what's written here, but there's one passage that I choke on...

"When I am in a relationship with one person, I am in a relationship with all the other people that person is involved with, especially the primary partner(s)--even if there is no romantic connection between us!"

Nope, I'm not down with that idea. I'm much more in line with the "Passionate Marriage" concept of well-differentiated partners. That means: I'm one person, Max is another. We're lovers, we're partners, we have a primary commitment to each other. But that doesn't mean we are thus morphed into one socio-sexual unit. Max is friendly with Roman, for example. But he isn't having "a relationship" with him, any more than I'm having one with Maura. Max and I adore each other, but we're two separate people, and I view with extreme skepticism any notion that tries to blur us into one entity. (Hell, if we wanted to do that, we'd get married.)

The author goes on to say...
"When one partner has problems with a poly relationship, it can tend to negatively affect a secondary partner, creating unhappiness for everyone. Compassion demands that everyone involved work to resolve any resentment that may exist on the part of any of the members of a primary relationship toward the secondary relationship."

I agree that serious problems shouldn't be ignored, and I agree that secondary partners should always be treated with courtesy and kindness by the primary. (And vice versa, for that matter.)
But I reject the idea that a poly-related problem in the primary relationship must necessarily affect the secondary. Max and I have resolved any number of hiccups in our poly without having to hold a three-way committee meeting about it. The secondary partner in question never even knew there was a problem at all, and that was fine, because it wasn't their dog. It was between Max and I. This is what I call "having good boundaries". If I have a problem, it's mine to deal with, and likewise, I expect other people to deal with theirs. Ask for help from your lovers? Sure, that's fine. But I don't accept what I see as a "my problem is everybody's problem" attitude.

Monday, December 06, 2004

So the workshop yesterday went very well…Workshop days are always busy ones for me, and yesterday was especially so because Maura, Max's submissive, injured her hand lately and was unable to help us the way she usually does. Max and I have a deal, you see – when one of us teaches, the other acts as stage manager, assistant and general fetcher-and-carrier.

Max has been teaching these classes at the Wet Spot for over a year now, so we know the drill, and the three of us can usually set everything up in twenty minutes flat. But things do go more slowly when you only have two pairs of hands, and it's tough because many of the attendees are friends and acquaintances, and the temptation to stop and chat with them as they arrive is severe. But one has to stay focused on the set-up, or the class won't start on time. And my friends, the phrase "not on time" isn't in Max's vocabulary. I have remarked to several people that if you want to bottom to Max, there are three crucial rules to remember.

Rule Number One: Be on time.
Rule Number Two: Be on time.
Rule Number Three: Make good coffee.


The coffee part is easy to learn how to do. The Turkish say, "Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death and sweet as love." Max doesn't take sugar, but otherwise…well, you get the picture.

The punctuality part – that seems harder to teach, but it's essential. No matter how cute or how sexy or how whatever you are, your ass better be on time, because Max takes that quite seriously. And in the finest traditions of good tops, he holds himself to an equal or greater standard of behavior. He once told me, "If I'm ever twenty minutes late for anything, call the hospital." He was kidding – a little. A very little.

So starting the workshop a few minutes late was not an option, and we were moving around pretty smartly gearing up for it. After it started, though, I got to sit down and catch my breath while Max did his thing. I like watching him, and I generally like teaching myself, but I'm lazy about creating opportunities to do it. If Toys In Babeland calls and asks me to come teach, I'm happy to do that. But producing workshops is a lot of work and I'm too damn busy already. Thus, I'm quite happy to just help Max, and get some of the pleasures of teaching with much less responsibility.

So we did the class, loaded out, and went over to Louie's for dinner, and then we came back to the Bondage Party. Max circulated, dispensing advice and technique tips, and I just lounged and chatted. I watched two friends do a suspension scene involving a nosehook (!), I was cuddled by the lovely Trinity, and then I watched Max do a complex and charmingly brutal suspension scene with a certain girl who isn't nearly as fragile as her dainty appearance would suggest.

Half the fun of that was playing commentator to the friends sitting with me. I know Max's style and habits so well that I can predict what he's going to do with a fair amount of accuracy.

"Oh, watch, he's going to do a mid-air inversion. Yep, there she goes…"

"Jesus, see how he's winding that rope around her. He's going to spin her like a top."

"Now, check this out, he'll lower her down until her feet are almost touching the floor, but not quite."

You must imagine me saying this in tones of great fondness and admiration, of course. Because I do admire skill and creativity in sadism, and my darling Max has skill, creativity and sadism to burn.