Answer My Mail

Okay, so if you've been reading me a while, you know that on a regular basis, I publish some annoying email I have gotten and make a lot of snarky comments about it.

And you have probably figured out that I'm often quite annoyed by what I call intellectual laziness. It's rather a hot-spot of mine.

But apparently a lot of people don't know this about me. Otherwise, why would they send me such annoying emails? Like this one, which I received from someone whose email address includes the word mistress, from which I infer the writer is female. Here it is, unedited and in its entirety:

Hi there I read your site its great and would like to kno more. i am new to all this

I have no idea which site of mine she has read. Somehow I doubt she's read any site of mine very thoroughly, because otherwise she'd kno that I am unlikely to look favorably upon such an email.

She doesn't say what, exactly, she's new to. Reading? Googling? No, perhaps it's spelling. How about this: know is spelled with a w.

There, now you've learned something.

Although, I suppose... She's not precisely asking a question, is she? She's simply saying she'd like to know - excuse me, kno - more. Hell, I'd like to know more myself, just in a general way. Like, when is the stock market going to recover? How many calories are really in this order of take-out chicken teriyaki? What is my cat thinking when she stares at me like that?

But she didn't exactly ask me to tell her. Perhaps my hasty presumption is unjust. We all have our emotional hair-triggers. Maybe I should check my responses about this.

So you tell me, faithful readers. God knows you've heard me rant about this often enough. How about I give you a chance? Answer this email for me. Write me the reply you think this gal should get, and I'll post it. Be kind, be blisteringly cruel, be anything you want. Send it along to me and I'll post them on Friday. We'll see how you think this email should be handled.